Tag: Repentance

The Incredible Art Of Forgiveness

The Trial Begins Of Two Men Accused Of Murdering Stephen Lawrence

In the light of the recent chemical weapons attack upon the Syrian citizens of Douma, alongside March’s assault upon Sergei and Yulia Skripal when a Novichok nerve agent was used in Salisbury, one could be forgiven for thinking that the world has sunk to a new low and that the world had become a much darker and dangerous place. What has become of our moral values, common decency and respect for human life?

In recent weeks, we have seen the American, French and British authorities take military action against those who use chemical weapons, but there have also been two incredibly moving stories which perhaps given the circumstance have not been given the prominence that they rightly deserve. The first was the comedian Patrick Kielty’s BBC documentary entitled “My Dad, the Peace Deal and Me”, exploring the legacy of the Good Friday Agreement as it reached its 20th anniversary. Patrick’s story is poignant as his own father was murdered by paramilitary gunmen during ‘The Troubles’ – men who were subsequent released from prison as part of the agreement. Patrick’s view was nuanced, because although he admitted that he couldn’t forgive the gunmen, he accepted that their release was necessary if there was ever to be reconciliation. He was stunned by an interview with Richard Moore, who as a child had been totally blinded by a rubber bullet fired at him by a British soldier – and yet Richard had forgiven his assailant and had made great strides to find him in order to say so, resulting in a lasting friendship. How could Richard forgive the soldier so?

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[Patrick Keilty carrying his father’s coffin in 1988]

This was followed by an amazing interview given by Neville Lawrence, the father of the murdered teenager Stephen Lawrence, whose story has regularly been in the headlines for 25 years. Two men had been convicted of Stephen’s death and yet it’s understood that five were involved. Neville revealed how he had forgiven them all for the murder of his son. Like Patrick, Neville’s story was incredibly hard and painful, and described as a ‘life sentence’ that would never go away, and yet he had forgiven his son’s murderers. How could this be possible?

It seems that both Neville and Richard had discovered an ancient Christian truth which is that forgiveness is not dependent upon the perpetrator saying sorry or even being met with. It’s an act of the heart and mind which allows the victim to find peace, ‘to let go’, and won’t allow any anger, hurt or pain they feel to fester and become a well of bitter malice within them, which probably does nothing to bring about reconciliation, and may not even be known by the perpetrator, but simply mars and cripples their own life henceforth. It comes from a deep-seated understanding that you are not going to hold a grudge or allow hurt to define you. Naturally, this isn’t easy – and shouldn’t be remotely confused with ‘letting other people get away with it’ or not wanting justice. Neville Lawrence wants justice as keenly as ever he did – it’s just that he won’t allow his anger and hurt to corrupt and corrode his heart and soul.

True forgiveness isn’t ‘a trick of the mind’; it isn’t secretly hoping for revenge or holding on to resentment. It has to be genuine and is therefore both a true art and an act of grace. Whether forgiveness is or isn’t asked for, it certainly isn’t deserved – it can only be given. It’s therefore a beautiful thing – a gift, which allows the victim to find peace, and can wonderfully, occasionally lead to repentance and reconciliation by all parties.

The Christian will see clear parallels between this and the Gospel story – how our sin naturally makes us all perpetrators, leading to the death of Jesus upon the cross where he graciously and lovingly takes upon himself the punishment for our sins (justice demands it) so that we might be reconciled and freely forgiven by God when we turn to him in sincerity, faith and repentance.

The stories of Richard, Neville (and perhaps even Patrick, who began to wonder if he had actually forgiven his father’s murderers after all) demonstrate that by God’s good grace and mercy there is still a lot of love and light in the world – and the world isn’t quite as dark as it might be.

“Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us” Luke 11.4

 

From Hollywood To OXFAM – Has The Sexual Revolution Let Us Down?

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Sexual impropriety has always been with us, but when the film mogul Harvey Weinstein was accused of a series of sexual misdemeanours last October, the public was shocked by the scale of it all as actress after actress (and some actors too) lined up to accuse the film producer of misconduct against them. The #MeToo social media campaign went viral as people standing in solidarity with Weinstein’s victims sought to publicise the widespread nature of sexual assault and harassment within society as they told their own personal stories of unwanted sexual abuse. Like a stone cast into a pond, the effects of this movement soon rippled out into every quarter of modern society – from the music and entertainment industries to politics and the workplace. But, undoubtedly the most shocking story of this type is the recent news that staff working for the Oxfam charity paid vulnerable people for sex when they were supposed to be distributing aid in Haiti, made worse by the fact that the organisation failed to sufficiently report the matter to the authorities or warn other aid agencies about their former staff members who sought new employment with them.

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The sexual revolution kickstarted by the arrival of the contraceptive pill in 1961 has certainly transformed women’s lives for the better, giving them a much greater sense of peace of mind as they control their bodies, and enjoy the ability to choose whether or not to have children – but in the light of the current scandals it could be argued that the glamour of the swinging 60s has somewhat faded, as men (and particularly those with power and influence) who have grown used to uncomplicated sex without restriction or entanglement seek to exploit others for their own personal satisfaction. The men who take advantage of others as outlined above may think it’s ‘just sex’ and consensual, but if you expect favours in return for giving a new acting role, a promotion, money or aid, and threaten to withhold them if you aren’t treated, then it isn’t consensual at all – it’s coercive!

Most people appreciate that there is no such thing as ‘just sex’ because our bodies are not really designed to exploit one another but to joyfully love one another, because as the Christian will understand true love is not ‘self-seeking’ (1 Corinthians 13.5) but self-giving, of which sex in marriage is the ultimate expression – which is why we call it ‘making love’.

This month, we are in the season of Lent, in which we are as Christians are invited to contemplate our own lives in the light of Jesus who loves us, his life, death and resurrection. It’s a time for sober reflection and penitence, a time for ‘turning around’ and seeking God’s forgiveness. I would therefore like to suggest that there is no better time for putting our lives straight, for reflecting upon our own attitudes about sex and the way that we treat each other. We may not be able to do anything about the Harvey Weinsteins of this world, or those who wilfully exploit and take advantage of others, but we can make sure that we are not like them, by putting our own house and lives in order and being determined to really, really love one another, just as God intended.

“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth – for your love is more delightful than wine’ Song of Solomon 1.2